This has been tough and at times it has left me feeling a little guilty. Why do I feel bad about doing things for myself or taking a little time out to do things that I enjoy? It took me so long to get to a place where I actually feel okay doing things. It's been fun feeling like the old me again. I just didn't expect so much guilt to come along with it.
Now, this guilt hasn't kept me from doing anything that I want to do but carrying it around has been like a mosquito bite - annoying. Beating myself up for allowing myself to grow is a waste of emotion and it's draining. One night I was talking to my husband about wanting to take a 6am fitness class. I didn't want to go because that meant he would have to do the morning routine with the kids. I would be back to get Sav off to school but he would have to get her dressed, make breakfast and do her hair.
I actually considered not going to my fitness class because I didn't want him to have to do "all that". He told me to have fun at my class and not worry about them. He also made a point to tell me that I really need to start being okay with him being a bigger part of our routine.
His schedule with work and grad school keeps him so busy that it's just easier for me to have a routine that doesn't rely on his help. So whenever I do decide to let go of the reigns a little it doesn't come easy for me and I beat myself up about it...
I tell myself all the time, "He's been at work all day. I've been home. He shouldn't have to come home and...." My wifey guilt is real. I really do feel like he shouldn't have to clean, cook or get the kids ready for bed. When will he have a chance to decompress? I only mention this because I know if I was working and he was a stay at home Dad I would feel like this.
The unnecessary amount of pressure that I put on myself is ridiculous thou. I know many Moms can relate to this. I feel like I need to do it all. Even when I know I'm going to be away I try to do everything I can to make my husband's time with the kids easier. For some reason making sure they are squared away makes me feel better about leaving them. What I didn't realize is that doing this was making my husband feel like I didn't think he was up for the task.
I let my guilt go too far. While I'm sure I won't be guilt-free overnight I think baby steps will help me rid myself of feeling this way.
Do you ever have issues with Wifey guilt or Mommy guilt? How do you deal with it?
The pressure that we as moms/ wives feel is crazy and REAL. You for sure shouldn't feel any guilt for taking care of yourself, you can only be a better mom and wife when you feel good about you. I struggle with the guilt that I don't take enough time for ME or to take care of the things that just I want. I just simple feel like I don't have the time to be Me enough if that makes sense. Its a slow process I'm sure and I'm also pretty sure there is always going to be some form of guilt we feel about "something" I think it just sort of goes along with the job of being Mom and Wife.
ReplyDeleteHi Renae! That's where I started too. I felt bad about not doing anything for myself. Now that I'm taking the time out for myself I do feel better about myself but of course that other guilt moved right in, LOL! It's a process but I'm working on it.
DeleteGirl I feel you! We just discussed self-imposed mom/wife guilt at my last MOPs meeting. As a mom, I feel like I have to do it all, not realizing that I can't. It's just not possible. Once I begin to take more care of me, I felt better overall. Now that's not saying that I don't feel a twinge of guilt when I buy myself a new shirt or attend a MNO, but hey I deserve occasional treats too. I've just come to the realization that there are just some things I will have to let go so that I can be a better mom/wife and equally sane person.
ReplyDeleteHey, girl! I'm also a MOPS Mom! We talked about this a little at our last meeting too. I was encouraged to stick to my plans even when I feel like caving. Like you, I still feel that twinge of guilt but I'm slowly learning to let that go.
DeleteI will only go to the 5:45 am Hot yoga class, just to make sure I'm home before the kids wake. We always joke that my husband does dishes maybe 3 times the entire year, only because I won't let him. I have that "he works all day and sometime night, so he shouldn't have to do a thing at home" mentality too. Now that I work part-time (temporarily) I'm accepting his help more.
ReplyDeleteI've slowly started getting myself use to some of the earlier classes. I really liked going in the morning. I completely understand where you're coming from.
DeleteAwesome post. The guilt is real. Now that my children are a little older (3 and 19months) I don't feel as bad leaving them. I make my self do something just for me every day. I've also made one Saturday a month girls day. I intentionally go hang out with my girlfriends. I'm a SAHM and have found that it is good for me and my family for me to get some good old girl time.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Girl time is refreshing! I like the idea of having at least one a month. I am guilty of letting a few months go by without getting with my girlfriends.
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