In my former life I worked in the sales industry. It was competitve. It was aggressive. It was what I did. In that field you have to be turned on at all times. For every minute that you spend checking your personal email or having a chat at the water cooler you miss out on money. That's what sales is about. A commission. You must be consistently productive to achieve any type of success.
Since becoming a mother and staying at home I have had a hard time adjusting to the lack of pressure. Motherhood isn't a competition and there certainly isn't a commission to be earned at the end of the month. Just hugs, kisses and milestones. So what keeps you going? What keeps us from becoming frumpy old housewives? Well, for me I think it has to be my type A personality. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to turn it off.
I actually feel guilty if I don't take my daughter on an outing everyday. It feels strange to stay home for the entire day. I also I have not been able to do that whole "sleep while the baby is sleeping" thing, or even take a break when she naps. I feel that those are my opportunities to cook dinner or clean. I can get it done much faster when she's not clinging to my leg or asking to be held. However, after a few weeks of the constant going I do hit a wall. Today, I ran into one full speed. So, I did something I rarely ever do. When she went down for her nap I turned on the tv, peeped inside the DVR and caught myself up on one of my favorite shows.
I just sat there with a glass of tea. I must admit that midway thru the show instead of fast forwarding thru the commercials I got dinner started. What I realized was that it is completely okay to have one day a week where we don't have a plan. We don't have to go anywhere. I discovered today that she is completely happy playing with her toys right here in the comfort of our own home. I do not have to be turned on all the time. Every second doesn't have to be filled with flash cards or story time. She is happy playing and dancing and pretending. It's okay for me to have an hour of downtime. After all, I'm a Mom not a Ring Master. No one is buying tickets to this show. It's not a competition. I'm not going to get an award for doing the most housework or having dinner done by five. So, I can relax. It's ok.
Have you seen my poem "Blue Ribbon" on my poetry blog? It kind of sums up the no-pay-what-do-I-get-out-of-it feeling, one that I relate to. I hate the clingy stage. I've had four kids and went through it with all of them. You're kind of weighted down. The worst is when the husband walks in and doesn't understand your stress, because, let's face it, you've been at home all day while he's been working! :D
ReplyDeleteWell, they do grow up and cling less and eventually leave, which means moms go back to wishing they could relive the clingy stage over again. :D
It looks to me like you are using Blogger. Google Friend Connect is really great, but it's only available to Blogger users. I think you qualify to get it.
Have a great day! Oh, and my poetry blog is at http://considertheliliespoetry.blogspot.com
I will have to check out GFC, I thought it was discontinued. Thanks for the heads up!
Deleteoh my goodness. you sound like me. though i work outside the home, when i'm home with my son on days off or the weekend i have a schedule! my husband always jokes that when he's home with our son they play it by ear and when i'm at home there are scheduled activities to do at home and places to go. it's not strict but i feel like i have to have something in mind to make sure he's getting enough activity and to make sure he's learning.
ReplyDeleteafter saying all of that, i agree, that is OK to relax. heck, you need it!
It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one that feels like this. I have to remind myself that she will learn everything she needs to know eventually. She's only 20 months old, haha! :-D
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