I was getting the kitchen cleared for dinner. My toddler likes to pull everything out of all the cabinets while I'm working on something in the other room. Another mess to add to my long to-do list. Then somehow I remembered a conversation I had with a Mom today at preschool pickup where I admitted to not knowing how to braid.
I wish I could've seen the eyes behind her sunglasses because her head tilt definitely revoked my black card. Yep. I'm a sista who can't braid. I've tried Youtube. I've practiced. It's not happening and I don't want my baby going to school with "practice cornrows" that even an inmate wouldn't be caught dead with.
That got me thinking about all of the other things I'm not necessarily doing right. I'll share them all with you here because I don't have a therapist and even if I did it's cheaper for me to vent here. So, let me impress you with all the ways I might be ruining (i'm kidding) these kids...
I don't know how to braid Savannah's hair.
Sometimes her ponytail parts are crooked.
And sometimes I send her to school with Color Purple twists.
Little Mike is still breastfeeding.
Mainly because I like sleeping at night.
He's showing signs of being ready to potty train but I don't even feel like entering that arena yet.
That's selfish, right?
I have yet to figure out how to balance education time and TV time.
I feel like I let them watch too much TV.
I also feel like so much of their time is so scheduled with activities, crafts and books.
How do you say no to TV when they've been in "school" all day?
I threaten a lot without always following through.
I might be too soft on them.
Then there are days when I mean everything I say and I'm positive that they think I'm the meanest person in the world.
That's got to be confusing for a child.
I find myself checking my email too much during the day.
And saying, "Just give Mommy one more minute."
I find myself stuck somewhere between, "I need to actively pursue my goals."
And "I need to be present for every single moment because I'll never get this time with them again."
These are just a few of the scenarios that I play in my head over and over again. I need to be a lot easier on myself. We all do.
If you need a little free therapy share some of your Mommy issues or frustrations with me in the comments. Can anyone else relate to this?
I love your quote! I think that was my philosophy too when my girls were younger. I stayed home with them and homeschooled them for a minute. Well, that was umteen years ago so you know I had much backlash in my community. ...like what are you doing and why.
ReplyDeleteBut, I am here to testify that being with them paid off in many ways...my oldest graduates from an HBCU this May in Biochemistry. My second is a sophomore. My third graduate high school this May. And my youngest is being homeschooled at the moment.
I did everything you listed on your list.
God loves mothers and He understands.
You are doing a great job!!!
Yes. I am so glad He does because I know for sure the only reason I haven't driven myself crazy is because of His grace. Everyday I make an effort to learn something new and be better than I was the day before. As long as I keep trying I know it will work out well in the end. Thank you for your reassuring kind words.
DeleteWhew! Thank you for having the courage to say what I've been to afraid to say!! lol
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is 17 and I never learned how to braid, but thank God I had a mother and sister who does! I also fluctuate between "I'm to easy on her" to my kid thinking "This chick is bat crazy"! I hate that I raised her in fast food drive thrus and I KNOW she watches too much tv. But somehow, she's turned out to be a great kid (way better than I was at her age) and my mom did everything right so....I think you and I are good. Don't beat yourself up.
I am so glad someone else out there can relate to what I'm saying. Sometimes I feel like I am all over the place, LOL! I wish I had learned to braid growing up. It would def help me in the mornings. Thank you so much for the kind words.:-)
DeleteI have a hard time picking the naps out of my son's hair....let alone braiding a girl's hair. I need practice but I think it will be problem. I tried on myself and that wasn't too cool either. My house is messy right now and I'm reading you blog. It's all your fault! lol We are all winging this motherhood thing even when some of the rules are handed down to us... It will be ok. They are healthy, happy and grown in every way. You're doing fine. - Teems
ReplyDeleteThank you. Some days are better than others I suppose. I try not to stress but I just want to get it right, ya know?
DeleteI'm like you in many ways. I can't braid cornrows. I'm great a plaiting and twisting so we make it work. Sometimes I let me daughter go out with her "Blue Ivy" hair. I just stick a headband on it and we call it a day...lol. My son's hair is much worse he hates getting his hair brushed because he told me he likes the balls on his head. He also told me I should let him be himself (which means embrace the naps mama).
ReplyDeleteI check my email too much too. My kids watch a ton of tv, but it's always after we have finished our lessons for the day. Even the two year old knows you don't get tv or computer time until after we finish our lessons.
My daughter is close to being three and she is still breastfeeding. I'll be weaning her after flu season is over, but I'm not ashamed and I don't care about what people have to say. I could go on about all my shortcomings, but at the end of the day I have to really sweet and smart kids. So even if I don't get it right all the time it's ok because I know I'm still raising some great little people.
It sounds like you are an awesome mom so remember to give yourself a little grace :)
Grace is the perfect word, Sonya. Thank you for that. Motherhood can be a tug-of-war sometimes and I wasn't expecting that. I'm learning to be okay with the Mommy growing pains and be happy that I am able to experience them at all.
DeleteLet me say that I love you for this post!!! I feel this same way...I mean this exact same way!!! I cant braid either...I take Emma to my sister when she gets braids...but aside from that I have so much I want to do and I feel like I dont get enough of it done! But its okay...I often feel like I am all over the place...I talk to my mom about it often and she tells me that this is something that all moms go through. You can only get so much done in a day, and you have to do what you can in that day and save the rest for another day.
ReplyDeleteThank you! That's great advice from your Mom. Making a list and using a calendar helps but there are still days when I feel I fall a bit short. Writing this post and hearing everyone's stories has helped me feel a lot less stressed.
DeleteAdd me to this list (but I can braid somewhat) I have 6 kids and I try to be the best I can be. I don't homeschool but we do have "lesson time" where there is no TV or electronics. I make them pull out the toys. Even though I have 6 off them I still feel like I don't know what I am doing sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMy husband thinks I am doing just fine. I applaud that we are all trying this thing called motherhood the best way we can.
Someone asked me how I do it, I said I just get up and do. They need is just like we need them.
Great post and I love your blog.
Thank you so much! You're so right we are all learning this together.
DeleteAdd me to this list (but I can braid somewhat) I have 6 kids and I try to be the best I can be. I don't homeschool but we do have "lesson time" where there is no TV or electronics. I make them pull out the toys. Even though I have 6 off them I still feel like I don't know what I am doing sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMy husband thinks I am doing just fine. I applaud that we are all trying this thing called motherhood the best way we can.
Someone asked me how I do it, I said I just get up and do. They need is just like we need them.
Great post and I love your blog.
I wash my daughter's hair once a month.. Or once every 2 months. She has double the amount I have and she's tenderheaded! My house gets messy. Laundry piles up. I play the "wait" game- "1 more minute"- with my kids when I'm checking email or reading. Monday-Friday I have the living & dining rooms and dishes clean before my hubby gets home. But sometimes I rush to do it all an hour before he gets home. My kids like to wash tv too but we make an effort to take frequent breaks and read or play a game together. It also makes me feel less guilty :-)
ReplyDeleteOh! My 5-year-son, who is in kindergarten, still hasn't been taught how to tie his shoes. I think about it when he gets out the car in the morning for school with shoes untied and say we'll work on it when he gets home but I have forgotten about it for about a year now. I'll put it in my planner AND we're gonna practice when I'm done typing this while it's fresh on my mind! :-)
ReplyDeleteYou sound so much like me, LOL! I actually schedule things so that when they do watch TV I don't feel as bad. And I do the same thing with the house - During the day I let them pull out toys and play with every puzzle piece and book. Right before my husband gets home I have them put everything away, LOL!
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