Wife Life: 10 Year Wedding Anniversary

I think for anyone being married is a big accomplishment. When you get married at 21 and 25 I think it's an even bigger accomplishment to get married and stay married for any significant amount of time. We didn't realize it until yesterday but we were so young when we got married. I hadn't even graduated from college yet (I still had one semester left). That's how young we were.

We were so young that I don't even remember if we talked in great detail about what our lives would be like. We knew we would have kids and that I would try staying at home with them but that's just about all we discussed. I don't recall us talking about money (perhaps because we didn't have any) or credit scores or any of the things that I think grown ups discuss before jumping the broom. We just kind of wandered our way through our twenties together. We figured out life and leaned on each other when our mistakes yielded unfortunate results.

I think that's one of the benefits of having married at young age. Neither one of us were set in our ways or dead set on how things needed to be. I think we have both learned a lot about what it means to be married and have a partner in life.

We often joke that if we had met each other right now in our 30s that I would probably have a long list of demands and requirements. Cause ya know, women in their 30s think and women in their 20s just kind of leap and pray it all works out. I am so glad I leaped.

I knew that I loved my husband and that I wanted to spend my life with him but I would be lying if I said I understood everything that marriage is about. I had no idea about what all it truly meant to be someone's wife. Now that I look back on these ten years I am so thankful for all the lessons I have learned. Here are ten lessons that I have learned during my first ten years of marriage...

Communication really is key. It is so important to talk about everything that needs to be discussed. I have learned that all topics don't need to be discussed to death and the issues that do need to be worked through need time and patience. It takes a lot of patience to listen when you don't agree with someone. Listening is huge but so is speaking up. You can not hold your husband accountable for the feelings he doesn't even know you have.

Don't try to read his mind, ask the hard questions. Instead assuming to know what my husband is thinking and feeling I have learned to just ask. It's much easier and it cuts out all the confusion, worry and doubt that you'll experience while trying to read his mind. 

Have your own life. As a newlywed I thought that we were suppose to spend all of our time together when we weren't working. I was wrong. Everyone needs their own time as individuals. My husband and I each have our own hobbies that allow us to grow and have interests in something other than each other. I love having time to myself to recharge. I'm a better wife and Mom when I take time to focus on myself. Have friends, go out and do things that make you happy.

Children can change your marriage but they don't have to. Having kids will definitely change the dynamic of a marriage. Now that I'm a wife and a Mother I see how it is possible to put all of your energy into your kids and forget to save some for your marriage. I have learned that I can not allow Motherhood to completely wipe me out. I still have to "remain the same chick he fell in love with". (Yas, Kelly. Who got that?)

Money does not make your marriage go 'round. Money is a necessity. It's important. Building wealth and paying off debt doesn't have to be a source of tension for a marriage. During our first (or maybe second) year of marriage we participated in the finance ministry class at our church. The class talked about being a good steward over your money. We learned about how to think about money from a God led place. Because of that class I can honestly say that we have never fought about money. We either have enough or we don't. It's not his fault. It's not my fault. Our philosophy is that we'll earn together, save together and build together. Until we get to where we want to be we will be content with where we are and know that God will continue to bless us in His time.

Disagreements, fights and disappointments don't mean divorce. Every time we fall out with each other it doesn't mean our marriage is over. It's an opportunity to sit down and refer to lessons one and two.

People grow and change. None of us will remain exactly the same over our lifetime. I am not the same twenty-one year old girl that got married ten years ago. I'm a thirty-one year old woman who is not exactly like my twenty-one year old self. My husband isn't the same as he was at twenty-five. We will both continue to change. We may not always like the changes we see in our spouses but that's where that whole thing about for better or for worse comes in to play. 

Keep people out of your business. When I mean to tell you that it is so important to keep folks out of your business and your marriage.... Everything isn't for everyone to know. If you have an open line of communication with your spouse then you won't have the need to call and tell everyone your problems. If you really must have a listening ear or a third party to bounce ideas off of make sure it's someone you trust. When I need to talk to someone I call my Mother because I know she loves both of us, she prays for our family and she isn't going to spread our business like US Weekly. If they don't genuinely care about your marriage, don't tell them your business.

It's not always about me. Even though I know I'm an awesome person I have come to learn that there are times when it's not about me. I can not always have my way. Compromise is a concept worth learning.

Pray. Pray with your husband. Pray for your husband. As Bishop Bronner once said during one of his sermons, "Praying wives keep praying." 

What are some of your best marriage tips? What lessons have you learned as a wife?

Keeping Your Relationship Healthy After Kids...

As a mom, you understand how rewarding having children and a family can be. From their first steps to their first day of school, your goal as a parent is to be there for them as they grow and develop. However, in your quest to be the best mom you can be, your personal life takes a back seat. Your marriage may suffer, too, because you no longer have the intimate time you once had with your mate. As your worries shift from yourself and your partner to your children, your marriage isn't your focus or priority anymore and may become neglected.

You're not failing your kids if you put your marriage first, however. Marriages need just as much nurturing as our children do. According to Parents.com. "When you put your marriage on the back burner, your kids can sense the lack of closeness between you." Therefore, you must make time for you and your spouse because it will create a number of positive outcomes, including the improvement of your marriage and enrichment of your ability to show your children how to develop positive relationship skills.

You probably recognized the change in your marriage once you entered parenthood. Your children obviously began to take precedence over personal hobbies and professional endeavors, while your partner faded into the background. You've given up just about everything in your life—from your bed to your time, not much in your life is solely yours when you have young children. This is particularly true when it comes to your relationship.

According to a recent Net Mums survey, almost 80 percent of women report a reduction in the amount of sex they've had since having children. Most of the surveyed mothers claimed to make love with their significant others about once a week. Obviously, you and your mate can no longer spend those intimate moments you once enjoyed together prior to having little ones. However, it's important that you work to maintain a healthy balance between your children and your relationship.

Communication is vital to any relationship, but romantic relationships in particular must have a strong line of communication. As Buzzle suggests, maintaining open communication with your spouse brings you closer together as a couple and helps you resolve issues quicker and more effectively. If you're frustrated with the lack of intimacy in your relationship, don't be afraid to voice this to your partner. At the same time, figure out ways to better your communication. Whether it's five minutes to connect in the morning/before bed or spending an hour hashing out the details of your day, you must make a point to touch base with your mate at least once a day.

Remember to use this time to discuss topics other than your children and family. Instead, focus on your life together as a couple or personal issues. Talk about the mundane details of your day or your new dreams and goals—just be sure to have this open dialogue with your partner each and every day. This will make your bond as a couple stronger and can even re-spark some of the desires that may have waned after you started growing your family.

Sex is essential to any romantic relationship, and you and your partner need intimacy for your relationship to thrive. According to Women's Health Magazine, lack of sex is a common marriage problem that could lead to unfulfilled desires being perceived as rejection. To combat a sexual rut or prolonged sexual dry spell, schedule it into your routine. Figure out a time when both you and your mate are free, and take a break for some sexual intimacy.

Whether you go for a quick love session or a full-on sex fest, make time to show your partner some physical loving. Not only could this boost your relationship and add some passion to your marriage, it could also intensify your libido. Also, keep in mind that there are other ways to show you partner affection besides the actual act of having sex. Small, tender acts of affection—a simple caress of the cheek or holding hands—can signal emotional connectedness and higher levels of empathy, as Adam & Eve details here. This can in turn create a more affable environment for sexual interaction.

In addition to enhancing the romance between the sheets, you must also pay attention to the emotional intimacy you share with your mate. Explore the passion you have for your significant other outside of the bedroom. Start by incorporating activities like date night. In a 2012 study conducted by the National Marriage Project, date nights are a valuable way for couples to spend some time to themselves and can heighten marital happiness. You don't have to go to great lengths to be successful, either.

A simple dinner and movie does wonders, or, if you'd like to switch things up, try a new activity like taking a couple's cooking class or going on a whiskey distillery tour. Even if you can't go anywhere, you and your partner should still enjoy a relaxing evening alone at least once a month. Send the kids to your parents, prepare a meal together, and have a romantic date at home. By integrating date night in your relationship, the two of you will have some much needed time to focus on each other and your relationship.

Coming Soon: Married & Dating - A New Series

Every third Monday of the month (March 17th) I'll be sharing a date night that my husband and I have recently had. This is a series that I'll be hosting along with Baby Teems, Drea from So She Writes by Miss Dre and Carissa from The Green Eyed Lady blog.

We are asking other bloggers to join us and share how they date while married. Celebrating the courtship in marriage isn't something you see often. We hope that this new series will encourage married couples to keep the sparks in their relationships flying.

<div align="center">
<a href="http://www.thechicsahm.com" title="The Chic Stay at Home Mom"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV7irY7xHCvwWdRAiFr9zdRf9iuwkPf71Dd4bjsCLytAuKbLf66fLLItfmd5Bw2hS2_JQY9NR-ugwK884fXqq0uPN3X2jNDxwHdvcJhSK_g2Jobi7lapeajqBgXPExEVprM78AmLpdq7c/s1600/marriedmonday1.jpg" alt="The Chic Stay at Home Mom" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Giveaway: After Bedtime Fun...

I feel like Varnell Hill from Martin… "Did ya miss me?!"

I know it's been a week since I've updated the blog. My kids and husband have been fighting pretty bad colds. The kids actually got better after a couple days. My husband is still on the sick and shut-in list. Pray for a brother.

Anyway. I always promised myself that I would make my thirties all about getting in great shape and strengthening my relationships. If you come by here often, you've read all about my husband and I. How we met, fell in love, got married young - all that.

I feel that it is so important to foster the relationship with my husband. One way to do that is by trying new things to keep our lives interesting. Our trip to Vegas was amazing. We really got a chance to reconnect and have fun with each other.

While I can't giveaway a couple's getaway I can giveaway the next best thing. A couple's kit from Nite Time Toys.

People don't like to discuss their sex lives. I can respect that. However, if you have kids then it is pretty obvious that you like to get it poppin' every now and then. Why not try to spice things up a bit by trying something new? This couple's kit is valued at $200. Enter for your chance to win below, Good Luck!

Oh. And if you prefer to just buy a little something for you and your man feel free to use this exclusive discount code while you're shopping, ChicMom. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

*This is a sponsored post. All opinions expressed are my own.*

7 Days of Love: Romantic Dinner Date

They always say that the way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. That couldn't be more true for my husband. I make him dinner everyday but every now and then I make something a bit yummier than my normal crock pot one pot weekday wonders. When I really want him to feel extra special I make one of his favorite meals that he'd order if we were out at dinner.

He always orders a salad with his meals when we're out for dinner so I make sure to do that for him at home. Then I'll make his favorite pasta dish and we'll have brownies for dessert. Come to think of it tonight's dinner would have been perfect to share. I made a steak and shrimp pasta with mushrooms, spinach and roasted zucchini. It was delish. 

I tried to find some pins that are similar to what we had tonight. Pair this with his favorite wine (or beer if he's a beer guy like my man) and one of those outfits from yesterday's post and you're all set for a great start to a nice evening. 

Visit Fatima, Drea and Carissa to see more romantic dinner ideas!

7 Days of Love: Sexy Date Night Outfit

I am going to keep it all the way real with you. We hardly ever get out for dates outside of the house. We don't live close to friends or family so a true date night is hard to come by. Since most of our dates happen here at home that's the outfit I'll be sharing with you today. 

Once the kids are asleep my husband normally preps the living room for our movie or DVR mini marathon. While he's doing that I shower and find something to wear. My husband appreciates the dressed down, relaxed, girl next door look. If I'm being honest I love it too. There's something so sexy about not being so over the top.

My favorite date night outfit has to be some shorts that fit perfect. Short enough to be inappropriate for public wear but still long enough to not be considered panties. I normally pair that with a fitted tank top but I'm also loving these new sheer crop tops I recently bought.

pajamas by thechicsahm featuring tall shirts

So what do you think? You probably didn't expect to see this. Don't worry. I have plenty of 'real' outfits    coming up in my Vegas recap. To see more sexy date night outfits visit Baby Teems, The Green Eyed Lady Blog and So She Writes by Miss Dre.

7 Days of Love: How I Keep My Marriage Hot and Sexy

I think so much goes into keeping a marriage hot. For me personally, the first thing I do to keep my marriage popping is to feel good about myself. I workout, eat good and I try to make time for myself. I strongly believe that having a life outside of your marriage keeps things interesting. When I feel good about myself it makes me happy and you know what they say, "Happy wife. Happy life."

As a soldier my husband works long hours. Between their workouts and his actual work schedule he's gone for the majority of the day. I always try to make sure that dinner is ready when he gets home. It's the little things. I know he's going to be starving when he walks thru the door. Having dinner done is my way of saying thanks for all you do on a daily basis. We have dinner as a family at the table. This gives us a chance to connect and talk before I start the kids bedtime routine.

Having these kids in bed at a decent hour does wonders for my marriage. My husband and I enjoy watching TV together. Our favorite shows get DVR'd and we catch up together. Another thing I did to keep the sexy in my marriage was get these kids sleeping in their own beds. Let's face it, your husband wants to sleep with you not you and the kids. It took a lot of work for me to get them sleeping in their own beds every night and it's been great for my marriage.

Our recent getaway to Vegas did wonders for us. It was a beautiful thing being alone with him for those three days. Date nights are great too but this trip was everything. It reminded me what it was like before the babies. I think we both needed that.

So I keep my marriage rocking by feeling good about myself, cooking dinner for my man and making sure we get ample amounts of alone time to reconnect. How do you keep your marriage hot and sexy?

For more posts in the 7 Days of Love series check out my fellow motherhood lifestyle bloggers Baby Teems, So She Writes by Miss Dre and The Green Eyed Lady Blog.

Seven Days of Love: Marriage Has Taught Me...

For Valentine's Day I'm collaborating with some amazing motherhood lifestyle bloggers to reflect on love, marriage and how to keep things spicy while living this mommy life. To see the other posts in this 7 Days of Love Series visit The Green-Eyed Lady Blog, So She Writes by Miss Dre and Baby Teems.

When I think about my own marriage, I think about a girl who was so young. I'm not even sure what my expectations were of marriage back then. I just knew I wanted to be happy and I knew I was making a great decision marrying my husband. That was back then.

Now that we've been married for eight years I would have to say I have learned a lot about myself and about marriage. My marriage has taught me that it's okay to be exactly who you are. It's taught me it's okay to speak my mind and be a strong presence. I can be in charge and aggressive without being afraid of someone else's opinion. My marriage has taught me how to be a grown up. A grown woman.

My marriage makes me fearless and free. I have talked about this before on this blog. Here and here. My marriage has taught me to hang in there when things are tough and enjoy every second when things are amazing. Marriage has taught me to be more compassionate and a lot less self centered.

What has your marriage taught you?

What I Hate about SAHMs...

Before anyone emails me this post is not really about what I hate about SAHMs. It's more about what I hate about the ideas and stereotypes that are associated with this job. I just finished reading a very popular blog post where a woman is talking about remembering your spouse after you become a Mom. Nice. I'm all for that.

Then she said something that as a SAHM I hate to hear or see. She mentioned something about not having had a bath in days and being covered in baby food, poo and anything else that babies tend to leave around to mark their territories. Can I just say that I hate hearing women say that? That they haven't bathed in days. I always secretly hope that that's an over exaggeration. I mean. I'm just as busy as the next Mama. I barely get any sleep at night and yes my chores get piled up just like you. But. You can best believe before I climb into bed and snuggle up next to my husband that I do not smell like baby vomit or baby poop or spoiled breast milk.

That's just not sexy. And while this job isn't one that I would describe as sexy I still like to give my husband the illusion that I've 'got this'. Even though that's not true everyday and somedays it may be an out right lie. Call me crazy but that's how I escape from it all. By taking a bath and feeling pretty. That makes me feel like Tia and not Sav's Mama or BabyM's pacifier.

It makes me feel like someone's wife. Even if it's only for a few hours I get to be something other than a Mom. So. Please SAHMs of America please stop telling people (even if it's true) that you haven't been able to bathe in days. I'm not sure how that's even possible but please let's stop putting that out into the world. That SAHMs are women who are overwhelmed (which is true, I've been there), messy, frumpy women who have no life outside of their children. Even if it's true (and sometimes it is) can we all agree to stop putting that image out into the world?

Some days I do look like a beat down mess and I am tired. What I won't do is project that tired energy on to the people around me or my husband. (who, by the way, is tired too)

Sometimes we force the stereotypes on ourselves. There will be a follow up to this post. Leave your comments below.

It's Our Anniversary! Celebrating 8 Years...

It's hard to believe that I've been married for eight years already. Whoa. Time is flying. I don't talk much about marriage or my husband here. Mainly because I feel like we're so incredibly normal (in a good way) that there really isn't much to say that would be overly entertaining. 

You might remember I told you a little bit about how we met in college and got married before I even graduated. (i graduated the following semester) He had already graduated from school and joined the Army. I was 21 and he was 25. Crazy, right?

After our wedding I went back to school for my last semester and he went back to Virginia to finish his training. I remember driving to see him on Thursdays after school. I didn't have class on Fridays so we'd get three days to hang out. I'd stay until Monday morning and I would haul butt to make it back in time for my eight AM class. Very crazy. So many speeding tickets. 

It was all worth it though. Since then we've moved four times and welcomed two beautiful babies into our lives. Here I am below pregnant with Savannah (and newly natural). These years have flown by. We have our fair share of disagreements like most people. However, I think what makes us work is our ability to laugh at everything. I also think that keeping additional people out of your business helps too but I'm really trying to keep this post light…

So. Raise a glass for us tonight. Eight years down. Forever to go...