Keeping Your Relationship Healthy After Kids...

As a mom, you understand how rewarding having children and a family can be. From their first steps to their first day of school, your goal as a parent is to be there for them as they grow and develop. However, in your quest to be the best mom you can be, your personal life takes a back seat. Your marriage may suffer, too, because you no longer have the intimate time you once had with your mate. As your worries shift from yourself and your partner to your children, your marriage isn't your focus or priority anymore and may become neglected.

You're not failing your kids if you put your marriage first, however. Marriages need just as much nurturing as our children do. According to Parents.com. "When you put your marriage on the back burner, your kids can sense the lack of closeness between you." Therefore, you must make time for you and your spouse because it will create a number of positive outcomes, including the improvement of your marriage and enrichment of your ability to show your children how to develop positive relationship skills.

You probably recognized the change in your marriage once you entered parenthood. Your children obviously began to take precedence over personal hobbies and professional endeavors, while your partner faded into the background. You've given up just about everything in your life—from your bed to your time, not much in your life is solely yours when you have young children. This is particularly true when it comes to your relationship.

According to a recent Net Mums survey, almost 80 percent of women report a reduction in the amount of sex they've had since having children. Most of the surveyed mothers claimed to make love with their significant others about once a week. Obviously, you and your mate can no longer spend those intimate moments you once enjoyed together prior to having little ones. However, it's important that you work to maintain a healthy balance between your children and your relationship.

Communication is vital to any relationship, but romantic relationships in particular must have a strong line of communication. As Buzzle suggests, maintaining open communication with your spouse brings you closer together as a couple and helps you resolve issues quicker and more effectively. If you're frustrated with the lack of intimacy in your relationship, don't be afraid to voice this to your partner. At the same time, figure out ways to better your communication. Whether it's five minutes to connect in the morning/before bed or spending an hour hashing out the details of your day, you must make a point to touch base with your mate at least once a day.

Remember to use this time to discuss topics other than your children and family. Instead, focus on your life together as a couple or personal issues. Talk about the mundane details of your day or your new dreams and goals—just be sure to have this open dialogue with your partner each and every day. This will make your bond as a couple stronger and can even re-spark some of the desires that may have waned after you started growing your family.

Sex is essential to any romantic relationship, and you and your partner need intimacy for your relationship to thrive. According to Women's Health Magazine, lack of sex is a common marriage problem that could lead to unfulfilled desires being perceived as rejection. To combat a sexual rut or prolonged sexual dry spell, schedule it into your routine. Figure out a time when both you and your mate are free, and take a break for some sexual intimacy.

Whether you go for a quick love session or a full-on sex fest, make time to show your partner some physical loving. Not only could this boost your relationship and add some passion to your marriage, it could also intensify your libido. Also, keep in mind that there are other ways to show you partner affection besides the actual act of having sex. Small, tender acts of affection—a simple caress of the cheek or holding hands—can signal emotional connectedness and higher levels of empathy, as Adam & Eve details here. This can in turn create a more affable environment for sexual interaction.

In addition to enhancing the romance between the sheets, you must also pay attention to the emotional intimacy you share with your mate. Explore the passion you have for your significant other outside of the bedroom. Start by incorporating activities like date night. In a 2012 study conducted by the National Marriage Project, date nights are a valuable way for couples to spend some time to themselves and can heighten marital happiness. You don't have to go to great lengths to be successful, either.

A simple dinner and movie does wonders, or, if you'd like to switch things up, try a new activity like taking a couple's cooking class or going on a whiskey distillery tour. Even if you can't go anywhere, you and your partner should still enjoy a relaxing evening alone at least once a month. Send the kids to your parents, prepare a meal together, and have a romantic date at home. By integrating date night in your relationship, the two of you will have some much needed time to focus on each other and your relationship.

Coming Soon: Married & Dating - A New Series

Every third Monday of the month (March 17th) I'll be sharing a date night that my husband and I have recently had. This is a series that I'll be hosting along with Baby Teems, Drea from So She Writes by Miss Dre and Carissa from The Green Eyed Lady blog.

We are asking other bloggers to join us and share how they date while married. Celebrating the courtship in marriage isn't something you see often. We hope that this new series will encourage married couples to keep the sparks in their relationships flying.

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7 Days of Love: How I Keep My Marriage Hot and Sexy

I think so much goes into keeping a marriage hot. For me personally, the first thing I do to keep my marriage popping is to feel good about myself. I workout, eat good and I try to make time for myself. I strongly believe that having a life outside of your marriage keeps things interesting. When I feel good about myself it makes me happy and you know what they say, "Happy wife. Happy life."

As a soldier my husband works long hours. Between their workouts and his actual work schedule he's gone for the majority of the day. I always try to make sure that dinner is ready when he gets home. It's the little things. I know he's going to be starving when he walks thru the door. Having dinner done is my way of saying thanks for all you do on a daily basis. We have dinner as a family at the table. This gives us a chance to connect and talk before I start the kids bedtime routine.

Having these kids in bed at a decent hour does wonders for my marriage. My husband and I enjoy watching TV together. Our favorite shows get DVR'd and we catch up together. Another thing I did to keep the sexy in my marriage was get these kids sleeping in their own beds. Let's face it, your husband wants to sleep with you not you and the kids. It took a lot of work for me to get them sleeping in their own beds every night and it's been great for my marriage.

Our recent getaway to Vegas did wonders for us. It was a beautiful thing being alone with him for those three days. Date nights are great too but this trip was everything. It reminded me what it was like before the babies. I think we both needed that.

So I keep my marriage rocking by feeling good about myself, cooking dinner for my man and making sure we get ample amounts of alone time to reconnect. How do you keep your marriage hot and sexy?

For more posts in the 7 Days of Love series check out my fellow motherhood lifestyle bloggers Baby Teems, So She Writes by Miss Dre and The Green Eyed Lady Blog.

Seven Days of Love: My Husband Reminds Me Of...

It's my last night in Vegas and I made time to write a blog post. That's real love. 

Alright. If I had to pick one look-a-like for my husband it would be Derek Luke. He's the actor that played Antwone Fisher. He's been in lots of other great movies too, like Miracle at St. Anna. 

At first I didn't see the similarities that they share but now I do. Ever since college people have been telling me that they favor one another. People that haven't even seen him real life will mention that he looks like Derek Luke. I think I am starting to agree with them.

He is going to kill me for this but here they are side by side…

Sooo what do you think? Do you think they look alike?

It's Our Anniversary! Celebrating 8 Years...

It's hard to believe that I've been married for eight years already. Whoa. Time is flying. I don't talk much about marriage or my husband here. Mainly because I feel like we're so incredibly normal (in a good way) that there really isn't much to say that would be overly entertaining. 

You might remember I told you a little bit about how we met in college and got married before I even graduated. (i graduated the following semester) He had already graduated from school and joined the Army. I was 21 and he was 25. Crazy, right?

After our wedding I went back to school for my last semester and he went back to Virginia to finish his training. I remember driving to see him on Thursdays after school. I didn't have class on Fridays so we'd get three days to hang out. I'd stay until Monday morning and I would haul butt to make it back in time for my eight AM class. Very crazy. So many speeding tickets. 

It was all worth it though. Since then we've moved four times and welcomed two beautiful babies into our lives. Here I am below pregnant with Savannah (and newly natural). These years have flown by. We have our fair share of disagreements like most people. However, I think what makes us work is our ability to laugh at everything. I also think that keeping additional people out of your business helps too but I'm really trying to keep this post light…

So. Raise a glass for us tonight. Eight years down. Forever to go...

30 Things: Describe Your Relationship with Your Spouse

Our relationship. My relationship with my husband is very easy. We are friends and we genuinely enjoy each other's company. I think that's very important. We met when I was still in high school. I visited our college (East Carolina University) for minority weekend. It was a very pretty day and I was soaking in the campus and all that college life was going to give me come Fall. My family had already gone back to Charlotte. I stayed behind with my BFF's family to continue hanging out. We decided to visit the bookstore on campus and that is where I met my husband.

Although, I never saw him coming and he kind of popped up out of nowhere that's where we crossed paths for the first time. He had a very confident way about him that I liked. We exchanged email addresses (because that's what people did in 2002 I guess) and our relationship grew from there. Now. Our dating experience in college was very crazy. At times it was nothing like the fairy tales you hear about on TLC's Say Yes to the Dress. But it's our story and I love it. Not to mention it gives us lots to laugh at these days. And we laugh a lot. Another good thing about my relationship with my husband.

our first date

My relationship with my husband has quite possibly been one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I've never had to pretend to be someone that I wasn't. I can always say exactly what I'm thinking or feeling. It's refreshing. In so many other relationships that I have I watch what I say or do. There are limits to what I share and I listen more than I speak. Not with my husband. He listens to me and I listen to him. He humbles me and I keep his confidence from turning into arrogance. 

when he met my family for the first time. it was a surprise visit during a break at school.

During my senior year of college, during my winter break, we got married. My husband had already graduated college and was beginning his career in the Army. Our wedding day was very simple and filled with love. I remember not being nervous about anything. I was positive that even at the age of twenty-one I knew I was making the right decision. We were crazy about each other and we still are. I think that's what keeps us going. There's no one else that I would rather hang out with for the rest of my life. He is one of the smartest and funniest people that I know. I'm so thankful for our love. Deep down I really feel like it was our relationship that turned me into a braver version of myself. I am stronger and I get offended a lot less. My husband gives me a womanly confidence that I appreciate more than he'll ever know. Our relationship is by far my favorite thing about this life I am so blessed to live.

our wedding day. a photo of a photo.