REPOST: The Mom Gene

Originally posted October 2, 2012...

The "Mom Gene". I saw this story on Good Morning America online after my parents told me about it. They said the story made them think of me and that I should check it out. Did any of you see this? I wasn't sure what to make of it so I had to watch it a couple times. Apparently researchers at Rockefeller University believe that some women are born with a "Mom Gene" that gives them the instincts they need to be good mothers.

I'm not sure if I totally believe that some women are born with a "Mom Gene". I do however, believe that some women are just more maternal than others. Some women are just better with kids than others. I think the way this issue was covered made it seem like women without this gene are bad Moms, or maybe not as good as their Mommy peers. There is a wide range of Moms out there. I talked about that a little in my post about the Smother Mother.

When I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be a Mom, but it certainly wasn't my life goal. I think that I am pretty good and patient with Savannah. I naturally transitioned from a working woman to a stay at home Mom without any problem. Does that mean I have the "Mom Gene"? If a woman chooses not to stay at home, loses patience easily or sends their kid to Grandma's every weekend (cause y'all know that those Moms exist) does that mean that she doesn't have the gene? I always thought that once you became a Mother that instinct to nurture just took over. Even if it's just to do the basics and nothing else.

I'm still trying to form an opinion about the "Mom Gene". I don't quite know what to think of it. I'd like to think that I have it, but I honestly wasn't mommy focused until I got pregnant. I baby sat my younger brothers as a teenager and no one died so I guess I was pretty nurturing then too, right? Does that mean this ability was always in me? What do you think about the "Mom Gene"? Do you think you have it? Do you know anyone who clearly does not?

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REPOST: The Smother Mother

Originally posted March 5, 2012

A term I resent. What is a smother mother? She can only be defined as a woman who is most often times surrounded by her children. She keeps a close eye on them. Some would say that she is over protective. The smother mother has the ability to hover in a way that makes others wonder about her technique. Other mothers would probably say that the smother mother needs a little break. I disagree.

As a self diagnosed smother mother I would first like to make it known that a smother mother can not help it. Mainly because she doesn't see her behavior as anything but loving. I can only speak for myself but I truly do not see what the issue is. Honestly, it hardly ever crosses my mind to do anything without my daughter. It's almost as if my mind can't even compute the thought. Apparently the part of my brain that tells you to hire a babysitter just doesn't work.

I have had several people offer to babysit so that my husband and I could enjoy some time alone. I do not mind leaving her for the occasional dinner, it's the idea that something is wrong with me because I won't leave her more often that disturbs me. For the record, I am not afraid that anything is going to happen to her. I trust that my friends and family are more than capable to watch her. The truth is, I just like having her around. I enjoy her company. Go figure. As tiny as she is, she is the life of the party. My family is more complete with her and I feel like something is missing when she's away. Would I have an amazing time on a solo date with my husband? Absolutely. Do I feel like our experience is different when we're out as a group? Not at all.

I have enjoyed every second of my daughter's existence. I have not missed a moment. I remember her first tear, her first laugh and the first time she got the hiccups. I even have two out of those three on tape! Whenever I do decide to spend a weekend away I want to make sure I can do it with no regrets. Right now, I can't say that I could do that. I also know that if I am going to spend any long period of time away it needs to be worth it. I'm not dropping her off somewhere, just to return home. What kind of "break" is that? My break will involve sand between my toes and the sun on my skin.

So, in conclusion, do not fear the smother mother. Her heart is in the right place, she just wants peace of mind. We should all focus our attention on the "other mother". The woman who's children are always with a nanny or a family member. Her weekends are always free, and unlike the smother mother she appears to not have a care in the world. That mother will wake up one day and wonder where the time went. I won't. If you check my laptop I can show you where the time went. I have the pictures and videos to prove it.

Who am I kidding? I have to admit, there is something to be admired about the other mother. Who knows, maybe when my daughter is a little older I'll become a nice hybrid mix of the other and the smother. I'm getting there, but until then I'm smothering and hovering my life away.

REPOST: Balancing Act

Originally posted on May 17, 2012...

In my former life I worked in the sales industry. It was competitve. It was aggressive. It was what I did. In that field you have to be turned on at all times. For every minute that you spend checking your personal email or having a chat at the water cooler you miss out on money. That's what sales is about. A commission. You must be consistently productive to achieve any type of success.

Since becoming a mother and staying at home I have had a hard time adjusting to the lack of pressure. Motherhood isn't a competition and there certainly isn't a commission to be earned at the end of the month. Just hugs, kisses and milestones. So what keeps you going? What keeps us from becoming frumpy old housewives? Well, for me I think it has to be my type A personality. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to turn it off.

I actually feel guilty if I don't take my daughter on an outing everyday. It feels strange to stay home for the entire day. I also I have not been able to do that whole "sleep while the baby is sleeping" thing, or even take a break when she naps. I feel that those are my opportunities to cook dinner or clean. I can get it done much faster when she's not clinging to my leg or asking to be held. However, after a few weeks of the constant going I do hit a wall. Today, I ran into one full speed. So, I did something I rarely ever do. When she went down for her nap I turned on the tv, peeped inside the DVR and caught myself up on one of my favorite shows.

I just sat there with a glass of tea. I must admit that midway thru the show instead of fast forwarding thru the commercials I got dinner started. What I realized was that it is completely okay to have one day a week where we don't have a plan. We don't have to go anywhere. I discovered today that she is completely happy playing with her toys right here in the comfort of our own home. I do not have to be turned on all the time. Every second doesn't have to be filled with flash cards or story time. She is happy playing and dancing and pretending. It's okay for me to have an hour of downtime. After all, I'm a Mom not a Ring Master. No one is buying tickets to this show. It's not a competition. I'm not going to get an award for doing the most housework or having dinner done by five. So, I can relax. It's ok.