Before I was a mother I think I was quite ignorant (and maybe a little judgmental) about what it takes to have a small person with you all the time. I was like any other young professional. "Why doesn't she tell little Matthew to get down?" "Why doesn't she just tell little Suzy to be quiet?" "Hmm mm little Matthew needs a spanking." I could go on forever about how I judged parents while their kids were going crazy in Target or at a restaurant. I could even give you some recent examples.
The difference is that now I tend to question the parents behavior less and the child's behavior more. Savannah will be two in September and I think I have learned so much more about children and their behavior. I know now that when little Matthew is going ape shizz in Target it's not because he's a bad kid. Little Matthew is probably hungry, bored or in need of a good nap. Little Matthew may not be a troubled kid and his mother is probably not a push over. They're just having a bad day.
When I hear little Suzy screaming her head off at dinner I no longer assume that little Suzy is a spoiled brat. I first assume that little Suzy is teething or overtired. You know. All those "mommy" words that get tossed around when a kid is in distress. Don't worry. I use them too. After all that diagnosing, I then feel bad for little Suzy's Mom. Because like most Moms I've been there. I've had Savannah not want to sit still for dinner. Or sit at the table period. And while she's never really thrown an all out temper tantrum in public I could only imagine how irritating and exhausting it could be. I use those two words because that it's exactly how those situations are.
We all practice patience, get to-go boxes and make a dash for the nearest exit in those situations. Mothers have so much more in common than I think I would have ever imagined. Since becoming a Mom I am way more understanding about what it takes to get through the tough days. And while some kids may be little bite sized jerks sometimes, I know now that it's not always the Mom's fault. I have a new level of understanding and compassion. Has your perspective about the mother-child dynamic changed since becoming a Mom? How?
I absolutely agree.. It's sad though that parents of older children sometimes forget what it was like to have small children in public places, so they judge younger parents too harshly.. My daughter was such a terror at the age of two that I will always be sympathetic to other parents :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like people with older kids definitely forget what it's like to have younger ones. I really enjoyed that post on your blog by the way!
DeleteOh yes!!!! This whole mommy business is a whole lot harder that it looks!!!
ReplyDeleteYes! My perspective is way too different. But the ppl who give me side ways glances don't always bother me. If it's someone I assume doesn't have children, I give them a free pass. I was once that person!
ReplyDeleteSame here!!
DeleteI don't have anything as I am a soon to be mommy but I can say I am guilty of side eyeing moms reading this really puts things into perspective!
ReplyDeleteI just nominated you for the Blogger Liebster award, head on over and check it out! :)
xoxo
Jasmyne
http://afisherswife.blogspot.com/2012/08/awards.html
Thank you do much for the nomination!!! I'll head over to check it out!!! :-)
Delete*so* Blogging from my iWrong/iPhone
DeleteI don't think I ever judged but I do think I often thought I wish she would make them be quiet. Well now I know it's not that simple. They don't understand just 5 more minutes!!! A lot of times when they are showing out it is our fault. We know it was past their nap time or they haven't eaten we are just hoping we can finish whatever we are doing. Well I'll speak for myself. I stay pushing mine to their limit!!
ReplyDeleteI'm ALWAYS trying to run one more errand with Savannah. Then when she gets cranky I'm like "oops, sorry Sav...Momma needed that Target run" lol
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mimi. Sometimes we push it. :-/ I feel TERRIBLE when my lil one is upset and I'm in public finishing something. I am also embarrassed even though at this age he can't help it. I just want to crawl under a rock when all the attention is on me likeL "What is she gonna do". lol I have do have a lot more sympathy for mothers now as well.
ReplyDeleteThis may have inspired a future blog post for me. Thanks!
I feel the same way! I can't wait to read your post!
DeleteI'm definitely more sympathetic now...most of the time. But sometimes...for example, last night I was in Target. It was almost 10 pm (my kids were asleep at home with Daddy) and there were a BUNCH of kids running around. One mom got so angry with her toddler because he was fussing and she hit him! Like seriously, Mom? He's upset because it's almost 10 at night and you have him in the damn Target!! And now that you hit him, he's definitely not going to stop crying. I don't know. I feel bad b/c my older daughter has definitely had meltdowns because we were a few minutes past her naptime or lunchtime but I would never hit her, especially not for that. I think I judge the kids less now, for sure.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, been there. You just don't know pre-baby what really goes on. It's not until you're in it that you get it. I have learned that there are so many factors (like you listed) for why a child may seem to be out of control.
ReplyDelete