Mini EBook for Moms

Happy Monday! We're in the second week of the year already. I am keeping my word to myself and building momentum to achieve my goals for the year.

Yesterday I attended my first fitness class of the year. I will talk more about that later this week. Over the weekend I also had a chance to work on the cover for the eBook I've been working on. I also had a chance to give myself a refresher on all of the self publishing platforms that are available. After reading lots of terms and conditions on several sites I have selected one that I think will be perfect for my first project.

I am scared to death of this release. What if no one likes it? What if no one reads it? So many what ifs have crossed my mind. The thing is that I feel like I'm suppose to be creating this type of content for women. It's like I have this little voice telling me to do it and every month (or year) that goes by without me doing anything I feel like that voice gets louder and louder.

Listen to the whispers. Trust your instincts. Move forward with confidence.

During a conversation with my Mother I realized that if I constantly allow the fear of all the what ifs hold me back I'll never know what greatness may be waiting for me. Being creative and putting out work is something you just have to do. You have to just go for it even if you don't feel ready. 

I am taking my own advice here. 

If I keep waiting until I'm ready I may miss my blessing. Listen to the whispers, Tia. 

What fears are you pushing past to realize some of your goals?

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Thought Bubbles 1/52 2016

My Face to Face Fridays on Facebook video is still uploading...

I started the upload last night around nine...

Still can't believe it's 2016...

Or that I have three kids...

Or that we're moving in five months...

I need a new tripod or selfie stick for my phone...

I broke the one I had yesterday. That's what I get for buying the $5 version at Walmart...

For some reason the video is uploading faster now...

It's a foggy cold day today...

We have books that need to go back to the library...

Today is my mother's birthday...

We sang to her this morning and it was so much fun...

Over Christmas break I found three new TV shows that I LOVE...

Grandfathered, The Grinder and Younger...

Younger is a must-see if you like Sex and The City...

I'm going to my first barre class since having the baby on Sunday...

I hope I make it without passing out...

If I do pass out, at least I'll be cute in my new workout outfit...

It's being delivered soon and I'm trying to sneak that package in here...

Don't judge me...

I just read the funniest email...

Kanye's Real Friends and Facts need to be on my workout playlist...

I think I have a final draft for the cover of my eBook...

I've had T.I.'s "Motivation" stuck in my head all week...

Tips for NICU Parents

NICU babies are under some of the best care a parent could ask for. I was very pleased with the level of care my son received. Knowing that he was in good hands made his time there a little easier to manage emotionally.

Something that I wasn't quite prepared for was how I would feel and handle his stay. I knew he would be there after delivery but I still wasn't prepared for how his NICU stay was going to effect me. I was handed an pamphlet of helpful info during our first visit to see him. It covered everything from commonly used terms to what to do if you experience baby blues.

I had the baby blues so bad. I didn't think I would have them but I did. I would cry for no reason at all. I would cry when people asked how he was doing. I would cry when we would leave him for the night. I never wanted to leave. My husband would have to literally drag me out of the door so that I could get some sleep. It was intense. I would have to say that even though my blues got better as the days went on I didn't truly start to feel better until a couple days ago. 

Complicated pregnancies and NICU experiences aren't in the dreams that women have when they imagine themselves pregnant. So when you find yourself in a position like that it's tough. People always give Kim K such a hard time because she's vocal about how much she hates being pregnant but what people don't understand is a complicated pregnancy is so bittersweet. Sweet because there's a sweet baby coming and that's a blessing. Bitter because going through a complicated pregnancy is one of the most miserable ways to spend the better part of a year. And no one ever talks about the Moms who can't help that they aren't "happy, glowing and pregnant". Some of us are literally just trying to make it to our due dates. Or as close to that date as possible.

So anyway, once you find yourself in an early delivery and a baby in the NICU be prepared to have all of the emotions. After my son's delivery I felt happy, relieved, angry, guilty, sad, embarrassed, tired and torn. Happy because he was here. Relieved that I was no longer pregnant and could start the road to getting better. Angry because I wasn't ready for it to be over. Guilty because I couldn't give my son the start every baby deserves. Sad because I felt like he was lonely in the NICU and needed me. I'm not sure why I was embarrassed but I was. Tired because I was trying to spend equal amounts of time at home and at the hospital. And torn because I never knew who to spend time with first or who to spend more time with.

If you start to experience baby blues or any signs of PPD please ask for help. Let someone know how you're feeling. Here are some of my tips for making your time as a NICU parent a bit easier...

Pray.

Know that there is nothing you could have done to change things.

Visit as often as you can.

Breastfeed or pump milk for your baby.

Ask when they feed & change the babies and try to plan your visit for those times.

Don't be afraid to hold, feed and change your baby if it's ok.

Keep hand sanitizer with you at all times. (I can't smell Purell without thinking of the NICU.)

Ask questions and make sure you understand what's going on with your child. (The NICU staff does not mind you asking questions or asking to be involved in your child's care.)

Join the NICU Parent Support Group at your hospital if they have one.

Keep a bottle of water in your bag.

Get as much rest as you possibly can.

Let people help you. Let people help you. Let people help you.

Learn what all of the different monitor alarms mean.

Be familiar with the terms used in the NICU. (Nutritive, non-nutritive, grams to pounds conversion, etc.)

Take a night off. (Carissa from The Green Eyed Lady Blog gave me this tip. Visit her blog to read her NICU story and tips for parents.)

Label all of your baby's blankets and clothes if you choose to leave items at the NICU.

Take lots of pictures.

Keep a journal of your child's care or write down the big milestone's in a baby book.

If your child is still preemie size when discharged make sure you have a car seat suitable for babies four pounds & up. (We used the Chicco Keyfit30. He was 4lbs5oz when he came home.)

Talk to your spouse, family and friends about the baby's progress. 

Stay encouraged.

Don't be ashamed.

Cry when you need to.

Have a small quiet family dinner at home when your baby is released. Celebrate their arrival.

I hope these tips help someone on their on NICU journey. If you have a family member or friend with a child in the NICU offer to help them in some way. Babysit their kids at home, bring them a meal or simply just offer to be a listening ear. 

So many of my friends made dinner for my family while we waited on my Mom to come help us. It was one of the biggest blessings I could have asked for and I appreciated it so much.

Also, if you have newborn or preemie size baby clothes that you need to get rid of consider donating them to your local hospital.

Thanks again for reading about our #grandfinalebaby's journey. We are so happy to have little Moses home with us now. 

Our NICU Story

Immediately after Moses was born he was taken to the NICU. I did get to have a quick moment with him in the operating room before they whisked him away. It is a standard rule my husband always stays with the baby after I deliver so he went with them to be with our son while the doctors finished up my surgery.

*This has nothing to do with his NICU stay but I do want to share that my doctors said during my surgery that they, "Don't understand how I got pregnant." During surgery she told me that she would perform another tubal and "sterilize" me and "Hopefully that will work for you." I was laying on that table like, "Whatchu mean "hopefully"...."*

After surgery I was taken back to my room for recovery. If you have ever had a c-section you know that your time spent immediately after surgery can be a little iffy. You're not really sure what to expect as you come down off all the anesthesia. This is the first time that I didn't throw up after a delivery. I was feeling really well until the medicine started to wear off and I got a case of the shivers that was so bad. I was literally freezing the way I normally would during surgery. At that point I wasn't sure if the warm blankets helped me or hurt me because I still ended up with the shakes.

That was the worst of my recovery though. I was wheeled off to my postpartum room where I'd be until I was discharged. Once I was there I immediately started pumping to get my breast milk supply going. My husband came back from the NICU and he wheeled me over there to see our baby. He was tiny. I remember feeling so broken hearted and defeated to see him that way. In his little "spaceship" bed plugged up to so many monitors and a feeding tube.

After meeting with the doctors of the NICU they explained to us that the NICU journey is a day by day thing. They would be testing him, giving him ultrasounds and different tests (like an eye exam and a hearing test) to make sure that even though he was born early that he had developed those skills in utero. His doctor told us that the main thing that keeps a healthy baby in the NICU was learning to suck and eat. Moses was born at 32w6d. We were told that most preemie babies will begin to suck at around 34-35 weeks of their gestational age. My heart just started to sink because that meant we could expect him to be in the NICU for at least about two weeks at the very least. 

I was discharged from the hospital after a couple days. Normally you have that rush of excitement to be finally going home with you baby. I felt awful. I can not really put into words how depressing it is to give birth to a baby and not take the baby home with you. I was so sad. Mainly because I wasn't ready for my pregnancy to be over. Even though it was a tough time I really wanted to allow him to keep growing until at least week 37. I felt so guilty for not being able to give him a better start. I still feel guilty about that actually.

During his time in the NICU his bilirubin numbers fluctuated. He went through light therapy several different times before he was able to be in his crib without the lights. (The above pic is why we nicknamed his bed a spaceship.) Moses never had a problem breathing so that was a blessing. It took him a little time to regulate his body temperature. At this time he had a feeding tube in his belly button.

Somewhere around his ten day mark things began to shift. He was able to be in his bed without the lights and he seemed to be holding his temperature which meant that I could start attempting to feed him once during the day and night. His feeding tube was moved to his nose and we started giving him the chance to learn to suck. The NICU had a therapist come teach us how to hold him to encourage him to stay awake for his feedings. Preemie babies are so tired from all of the developing that they do so in the beginning he would sleep right through his scheduled bottle time. 

It took a lot of practice and a lot of patience to work through the feedings. I had been hoping that he would be home for Thanksgiving and I could tell that wasn't going to happen. His doctors were really pleased with his progress and told us that the only thing that was keeping him in the NICU was his inability to eat. Moses had already gained enough weight to go home (he was a whopping four pounds), he could regulate his body temp so all he had to do was take all his feedings. At first I was attempting to nurse him because that's what I've always done. During the day when I couldn't be there his nurses were giving him expressed breast milk in a bottle. My husband and I decided that we would switch to doing bottles only because we didn't want him exhausting energy (and possibly losing weight) during nursing sessions. I asked the nurses to change his feeding schedule to fit my pumping schedule so we'd be on the same schedule whenever he came home.

Slowly but surely he started taking the bottle better. He was moved to an "open air" bassinet. That's a big deal in the NICU. It was such  a nice surprise to see him outside of the spaceship for the first time the day before Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving Day we were so excited for our visit. The holiday just didn't feel the same without him being home even though he'd never been home before. When we walked into the NICU we were greeted with the most amazing news. Moses had taken an entire bottle at his feeding that morning!!!

All it took was that one bottle and he soared through the rest of his feeding stages. The feeding tube in his nose was removed. He had an eye exam to check the development of his retina. Everything checked out okay. Next was another ultrasound of his brain to check for bleeds. The vessels of the brain are very fragile so the doctors check them again before sending a baby home. His day seven ultrasound showed no bleeds but this second ultrasound showed some very small grade one bleeds. The doctors assured us that those types of bleeds heal themselves but that he would need a follow up ultrasound after he was discharged. He would also need an ultrasound on his hips because he was born breech. 

He had his hearing checked a few days later and passed. We were scheduled to have an overnight stay with him after he passed his car seat test. The overnight stay went well and on December 6 Moses was discharged from the hospital. 

So far all of his follow up appointments have gone well. His follow up eye exam showed that his eyes were developing perfectly. He has his follow up ultrasounds for his hips and brain this week. I am praying that those go well. He has doubled his birth weight and is now weighing right at six pounds. The NICU did such an amazing job of getting him on a schedule. He's still on that same schedule of eating about every 3 to 4 hours and sleeping for pretty good stretches of time.

So that sums up our NICU stay. I still can't believe he's been home for almost a month now. He'll start therapy for preemie babies around six months to encourage his development to be on track with that of a full term baby. We are so thankful for the doctors and nurses that took such good care of him. We are also thankful for all of the prayers. There is nothing like having a child in the hospital. Watching all the parents go through their own journeys with their babies was hard. I still pray for the families that were there when we were. 

In the next post for this series I'll share some tips for getting through your NICU journey. I'll also share more of the feelings I experienced after he was born. Thank you for reading his story.

All About 2016

Dang... It's 2016. Just like that 2015 is old news.

I'm glad to be ushering in a new year. I spent the majority of 2015 pregnant, in and out of the hospital, chasing these kids and supporting my husband through his last semester of grad school. So when I say that I am HAPPY to see 2016 I mean it!

I achieved almost everything I wanted to last year. I don't have any huge resolutions or lifestyle changes to make for 2016.  All I want to do is pick up where I left off in 2015 and keep going. The New Year is a great time to start fresh and create momentum.

What do you want to do in life? Who do you want to be? Where would you like to go? It's never too late to dream big and go after those dreams with a fearless ambition. Like my husband says, "It's never too late to make a good decision."

That's what I am going to do in 2016. I will continue to fearlessly make decisions that align with my dreams and goals. I pray the same for all of you. I pray that God's blessings continue to abundantly overflow in your life. Use Motherhood as your motivation to be a dream chaser. If you don't show your children how to reach for their goals who will?

Here are my goals for 2016:

Set time aside daily for Bible Study.

Publish my eBook that was written in 2015. (Hitting inboxes, Amazon and iBooks Jan 15, 2016)

Exercise, Workout, Snapback...

Properly prepare for our upcoming move. (I'll share our next duty station soon!)

Complete my next writing project by Thanksgiving. (Another eBook for the '16!)

Continue to blog consistently & build a brand that produces consistent income.

Send out Christmas cards.

Take more pics with my husband. (We have so many pics of us with these kids but hardly any of just the two of us. I need documentation of how dope we are as a couple this year.)

That's all for me! What are some of your goals? Share them with me. I want to cheer you on this year! 

Happy New Year!

Wife Life: 10 Year Wedding Anniversary

I think for anyone being married is a big accomplishment. When you get married at 21 and 25 I think it's an even bigger accomplishment to get married and stay married for any significant amount of time. We didn't realize it until yesterday but we were so young when we got married. I hadn't even graduated from college yet (I still had one semester left). That's how young we were.

We were so young that I don't even remember if we talked in great detail about what our lives would be like. We knew we would have kids and that I would try staying at home with them but that's just about all we discussed. I don't recall us talking about money (perhaps because we didn't have any) or credit scores or any of the things that I think grown ups discuss before jumping the broom. We just kind of wandered our way through our twenties together. We figured out life and leaned on each other when our mistakes yielded unfortunate results.

I think that's one of the benefits of having married at young age. Neither one of us were set in our ways or dead set on how things needed to be. I think we have both learned a lot about what it means to be married and have a partner in life.

We often joke that if we had met each other right now in our 30s that I would probably have a long list of demands and requirements. Cause ya know, women in their 30s think and women in their 20s just kind of leap and pray it all works out. I am so glad I leaped.

I knew that I loved my husband and that I wanted to spend my life with him but I would be lying if I said I understood everything that marriage is about. I had no idea about what all it truly meant to be someone's wife. Now that I look back on these ten years I am so thankful for all the lessons I have learned. Here are ten lessons that I have learned during my first ten years of marriage...

Communication really is key. It is so important to talk about everything that needs to be discussed. I have learned that all topics don't need to be discussed to death and the issues that do need to be worked through need time and patience. It takes a lot of patience to listen when you don't agree with someone. Listening is huge but so is speaking up. You can not hold your husband accountable for the feelings he doesn't even know you have.

Don't try to read his mind, ask the hard questions. Instead assuming to know what my husband is thinking and feeling I have learned to just ask. It's much easier and it cuts out all the confusion, worry and doubt that you'll experience while trying to read his mind. 

Have your own life. As a newlywed I thought that we were suppose to spend all of our time together when we weren't working. I was wrong. Everyone needs their own time as individuals. My husband and I each have our own hobbies that allow us to grow and have interests in something other than each other. I love having time to myself to recharge. I'm a better wife and Mom when I take time to focus on myself. Have friends, go out and do things that make you happy.

Children can change your marriage but they don't have to. Having kids will definitely change the dynamic of a marriage. Now that I'm a wife and a Mother I see how it is possible to put all of your energy into your kids and forget to save some for your marriage. I have learned that I can not allow Motherhood to completely wipe me out. I still have to "remain the same chick he fell in love with". (Yas, Kelly. Who got that?)

Money does not make your marriage go 'round. Money is a necessity. It's important. Building wealth and paying off debt doesn't have to be a source of tension for a marriage. During our first (or maybe second) year of marriage we participated in the finance ministry class at our church. The class talked about being a good steward over your money. We learned about how to think about money from a God led place. Because of that class I can honestly say that we have never fought about money. We either have enough or we don't. It's not his fault. It's not my fault. Our philosophy is that we'll earn together, save together and build together. Until we get to where we want to be we will be content with where we are and know that God will continue to bless us in His time.

Disagreements, fights and disappointments don't mean divorce. Every time we fall out with each other it doesn't mean our marriage is over. It's an opportunity to sit down and refer to lessons one and two.

People grow and change. None of us will remain exactly the same over our lifetime. I am not the same twenty-one year old girl that got married ten years ago. I'm a thirty-one year old woman who is not exactly like my twenty-one year old self. My husband isn't the same as he was at twenty-five. We will both continue to change. We may not always like the changes we see in our spouses but that's where that whole thing about for better or for worse comes in to play. 

Keep people out of your business. When I mean to tell you that it is so important to keep folks out of your business and your marriage.... Everything isn't for everyone to know. If you have an open line of communication with your spouse then you won't have the need to call and tell everyone your problems. If you really must have a listening ear or a third party to bounce ideas off of make sure it's someone you trust. When I need to talk to someone I call my Mother because I know she loves both of us, she prays for our family and she isn't going to spread our business like US Weekly. If they don't genuinely care about your marriage, don't tell them your business.

It's not always about me. Even though I know I'm an awesome person I have come to learn that there are times when it's not about me. I can not always have my way. Compromise is a concept worth learning.

Pray. Pray with your husband. Pray for your husband. As Bishop Bronner once said during one of his sermons, "Praying wives keep praying." 

What are some of your best marriage tips? What lessons have you learned as a wife?

#GrandfinaleBaby's Birth Story

Well this post feels like a long time coming. It's Christmas Eve and for the first time in a long time I actually have time to sit down and blog.

This birth story isn't very long or traumatic but I'm sharing it because the aftermath of the delivery is where I think most people will find solace in knowing they are not alone.

As you know I struggled with high blood pressure and symptoms of preeclampsia during my pregnancy. On November 4th (Wednesday) I was admitted to the hospital after a routine growth scan appointment due to my blood pressure being high. The Doctor explained to me that he thought it would be best for me to stay in the hospital until the baby was delivered. My original due date was December 26.

That morning I had gone to the doctor alone. Once the doctor said that he was admitting me I informed him that I would need to go back home to swap cars with my husband and pack a bag. I was driving the car with the car seats and strollers in it and because I had refused to pack a bag (despite my husband's constant suggestions to do so...) I really did need to go home.

So I went home, updated my husband about what was about to happen and we packed a bag and got me back up to the hospital after driving thru Chick Fil A to grab what felt like my last supper.

We arrived back at the hospital and I was immediately taken back to my room in Labor and Delivery. Initially I thought I would just be "living" there until we were much closer to my due date. But then my blood pressure spiked. It was so high that I had to be put on magnesium. Again. I hate magnesium. I think most people do. Magnesium makes you feel like you're having an outer body experience mixed with hot flashes and the flu.

Once you're on the mag (as the doctors call it) you have to stay in bed (because your risk of falling increases) and you're not allowed to eat. Luckily, I had eaten that CFA right before being admitted so I wasn't starving.

The next day was a different story. I was hungry. They were able to get my blood pressure down (by IV) but unfortunately my 24 hour urine sample showed that protein was spilling over into my urine. Your urine sample number shouldn't exceed 300 and my sample came in at 800. Not good.

That's when the team of doctors came in and told me that I would have to deliver the baby because I had developed severe preeclampsia. I had so many different feeling about delivering early. Is my baby going to be okay? Is my situation really that bad? Can't they monitor me for a few more weeks? What are the chances that I'd really have a stroke or a seizure?

I was scared and nervous but at the same time I knew I couldn't let those fears get me upset. I needed to stay calm so I could think rationally about what was about to happen and what the next couple of months would be like. I asked my nurse if someone from the NICU could come talk to me because I knew he would have to spend some time there after the delivery.

The NICU doctor came in and gave me the run down of all of the worst case scenarios. He told me he would come back by again in the morning to make sure I didn't have any questions. When he came back in the morning (Friday) I felt like the entire hospital staff came with him...

Now if you remember I got pregnant after having my tubes tied two years ago. My doctors wanted to talk to me about that and how they would "try their best" to make sure my tubes were really done this time. I got a refresher from the NICU, I met my nurses and the anesthesiologist. Before they began to prep me for surgery I called my Grandfather who's a Reverend and asked him to pray for me. My Grandfather has the most soothing voice. After talking to him I was so calm and I felt so strong. I was ready to walk through this journey, prepared for whatever the results may be...

My husband and I were prepped for surgery and we headed back to the operating room. It was the same room that I delivered Little Mike in two years ago. My husband waited outside while they got me up on the table and gave me an epidural. Normally I am freezing in the OR but I was given warm blankets during my delivery this time and I appreciated that so much.

My husband was escorted into the room and my surgery began. At 4:19pm on November 6 we welcomed our son Moses into our family. He weighed in at three pounds even and he had the tiniest little cry...

My husband and the baby went to the NICU while my doctors finished up my surgery. I spent the next two days in the hospital recovering from the surgery, pumping colostrum and learning as much as I could about the NICU journey.

In the next post I'll recap our NICU journey and share somethings that I think would help you if you ever find yourself in this same situation. I hope you have enjoyed reading about my experience with preE and the delivery of our #grandfinalebaby. 

Has anyone experienced preeclampsia? Share your story with me in the comments...